Hurdle Jumping or Puddle Jumping, its all the same.

Last week my Mom was home with an injured shoulder and my Dad was out of town. I worry and know how difficult it is to get around and get things done. No car, no one to talk to, so three days last week I took off work early and headed home to visit, get Mom out of the house and just provide some company. It appears it was a great thing not just for Mom but for me as well. Because as I get older, I appreciate my parents so much more. I don't mind listening to what they have to say, and I actually enjoy laughing, talking and coming up with plans and ideas. I also like looking back at the past.

On one particular day my Mom and I were talking about what we enjoyed as kids. I was having a difficult time with that. I couldn't think of any one thing that I truly was passionate about, that I kept as a hobby, continued through my life. I wasn't a collector, I wasn't a real sports enthusiast, although I swam, played tennis, softball, basketball, etc. But I didn't really excel at any of it.

And then I blurted it out: "Food". I don't know why I said it, but I think there was a lot of truth in that comment. Not to mention that it was the third visit of the week and already my Mom and I had been to Wegman's three times as if that was all we had to do: Shop for food.

My Mom looked at me in bewilderment and said, I am surprised you said that. I was too, but then she told me that when I was in modelling school in high school one of the instructors had told me that all I ever think about is food. And I came home that day upset and shared that with my Mom. I don't recall it but it must have had an impact.

But now over the past few weeks even before this I have felt that there might be some truth to that comment. Its been lingering in the back of my head for months now. That I eat food as though its filling some void, some hole in my life. I can't seem to get enough of it, can't say no to things I don't need.

As I began to analyze this thought I realized that its true in quite a few areas. But food seems to be doing the most damage as I am struggling with a huge weight issue. So where do I go from here? Its definitely something I am much more aware of. I know I can change, I just have to find the passion and desire to do so.

Day One. Again. Its hard to break old habits.

I said I was going to record my three things for the next 30 days so missing a day means "I have to start over". Ugh. This is harder than I thought it would be but also for me so important. I have to accomplish more in my personal life. I am important. I am of value. I can't let other things get in the way.

Here goes. Again.
1) Download and work on photos for ETSY Site
2) Set up DVD play to being yoga workout
3) Design Holday card for Paper Source Contest

Day Two: My Three Things

Not much writing today. Just not a good day. Alot of pain in my knee, boss is being odd. Why can't people be consistent? Either you are a good person overall or just crazy. Don't get it.

My Three things:
1) Try a new recipe. Lasagna from Rhea Drummond's new Cookbook. I wish I were a Cowgirl
2) Sweep up the second room and prepare it for painting.
3) Work on my menu plan for next week.

My Three Things Begins Again

Day 1:

1) Try to accomplish my three things every day and post it here for the next 30 days.
2) Finish organizing the Reading Room in my house.
3) Develop my healthy menu plan to begin next week.


If you feel like joining me, list your three things!

So, How are you doing?

Well, I haven't posted in awhile. This habit didn't last long, but its a good one to keep, so I am getting started once again. I should not put myself down because in looking at my three things, I didn't do so bad. Failing miserably in the exercise arena, but I did hurt my knee badly and caught a terrible cold so time to kick back into gear with some alternative ideas for exercising. Here's a recap of my three things and how I did:

1) Love Dare: Still can't get past Day 1. I think I have some anger issues. Either that of I just can't keep my mouth shut.
2) Help out my brother while wife is away. I did that and for over 8 hours my brother had some free time and my husband and I had a great time with our nephews.
3) Exercise once a week. hmmmmm, does walking up the stairs to bed count?
4) Craft room. I am 3/4 of the way there. It looks so much better, and you know what? I have alot of stuff in that craft room.
5) Walk at Lunch: Haven't started that what with the knee and all.
6) Call Carmax, Dermatologist and Dr. Office. I did one out of the three. Back on the list!
7)Cancel Moisturizer. I did that. Note to self: Don't fall for those on line gimmicks every again. No you can't get a free $500 Wal-Mart card that easily.
8) Organize one room. Just finished the craft room, and am 1/2 way through my reading room. Yay!
9) Meal Menu. Yeah, right. Didn't do so good on that one. Can I blame my husband?
10) Moderate exercise. About all I have done is remote control lifts. So next time I will be better.

So, you know, this journalling works. I can't really beat myself up to bad, because I did accomplish some things. And I can see where my weak areas are. So, back to square one and my three things.

Where's my "Weight Knight "?

It dawned on me today that I fail to succeed because I am always waiting for someone else to get me there. And I am not suggesting that they need to do the work for me, but I excuse myself because I don't want to exercise alone, I don't want to cook a separate meal for me and my husband, or he serves me portions that are too big. My husband by the way is a REED, a very thin REED. If you see the weight loss commercial where she loses it in her chest, he is the guy that loses it all over. My husband has never been heavy, but when I began the weight loss journey, he lost the weight. Its depressing. But there I go again, waiting for my weight Knight to come in and take it all away, to give me the energy to get up and get moving, To plan all my meals, to even put in the sweat equity I need to get the weight off.

I can excuse myself onto the couch for eternity, and no one, absolutely no one can do it for me. They can't solve my problems, only I can. Its rather daunting but also quite exhilirating when you begin to see that you are the decision maker. You decide what you are going to eat, how you are going to shape your future. Its your choice. Its your future. Sure, my husband plays a great big role in my life. A rather wonderful one I might add. Its nice to be able to have excuses, cut myself some slack. But seriously its more than that. My marriage is wonderful and loving, and good. But it won't solve any problems. It won't pay the bills, it won't lose the weight.

I have to believe in myself enough to get the job done. Its time to get up and gain control of the things in our lives that have gotten so out of control. But here's my tip. Don't try to do it all at once. We set lofty goals that set us up to fail. Pick three things, three specific things and see how you do on those. And if you fail, keep it as one of your three until you succeed. I guarantee you, this life is a good one, let's make it great together.

My three things:
1) Organize and Clean One Room
2) Plan my meal menu for next week
3) Moderate exercie (I have pulled out my knee and its painful) What can it do to get some exercise since I can't hardly walk?

My Three Things Today

As promised, each day will begin with my three things:
1) Go out for a walk at lunch time.
2) Make three past due phone calls: Carmax, the Dermatologist, Dr.Office (bill)
3) Cancel Moisturizer order at $87 a pop! Who needs a month of moisturizers for $87 a month, okay, this was a week moment kind of thing. I was feeling old, my face was feeling old. I was in a "depressed" watch television kind of spirit. So they got me for one month. Let's not make it a year!

Well, today has started out like any other day. I woke up feeling achy, sore, tired and I have to go to work. I work for a living. It pays the bills, it provides me with the oppportunity to make foolish purchases like the moisturizer up there at the top of my Three Things list. Lately, I have been looking at the money I make and realizing that I want it to go to better things. I want it to be able to provide for me long after I stop working. Early retirement would be nice thing. Can it be done? I think there is a way but first I have to get a handle on the spending. I have to quit spending. How can I do that? I love to spend as much as I love to eat, and its not often on myself, its for others.

Yesterday I was craving donuts (bad on two counts). First I wanted Krispy Creme donut (if that isn't two fat hips waiting to expand) and Second, I wanted to buy them for the company. Bring in a dozen for everyone. Now that may noat seem like a large expense, but I am always thinking of ways to spend money unnecessarily. Would you believe that yesterday, one of the girls came in with donuts. FOR HERSELF. Not to share, just to eat. Two of them FOR HERSELF. Now I can't comment on why she needed two, but I started thinking about what constitutes healthy behavior? Was she wrong for not thinking about everyone else in the company? Not at all.

So here is the lesson. I don't have to be all things to all people. It doesn't matter if everyone loves me, likes me or wants to be my friend. I need to focus on three things that will define who I am: God, My Husband, My family. It may not be the same three priorities for you. It doesn't matter, just put yourself first. The rest will come. I believe it will.

Three Things

I have to start somewhere. The tasks seem overwhelming, but I might as well document it here. Because at the end of a year, I believe that if I apply myself, Call Her Bluff, I will become a better, stronger, more authentic self. So here it all is:

I am overweight, 100 or more pounds overweight to be exact. My finances are at zero, meaning I have no savings. I do have equity in my house, I do have a car, and temporarily a full time job. At least for the next three months as I fill in for an administrative manager who was fired, and get paid to do her job at my old rate. The economy or perhaps the foolish spending in the company cost me full time status and a cut in salary, and I took it. Then when trouble hit, they asked me to come back full time, and I accepted. Humbled, humiliated, I went back. Was it the right thing or the wrong thing? For me, I think I lost a bit of my self. And if I had been financially stronger I believe my choice would have been different. But the life I created isn't financially sound and that needs to change if I no longer want to be controlled by the whims and thoughts of others.

I need to be my own boss. My first task this year is begin to accomplish three things each day that are personal accomplishments. Not for the job, not for others, not for anyone by me. Each daily entry will start out with my THREE THINGS. A simple life changing TO DO List. Three simple things, 365 days a year, for one full year. Join me. Start posting your three things. Let's start together today. Let's begin our lives again. We can do it!

Book: The Love Dare.

Have you read it? Have you heard about it? Well there is a new book out called the "Love Dare" and it challenges the reader to love their spouse by following the tasks over the next 40 days and it will change your relationship. God will change your relationship. Why would I do this you might ask? Well, lately I have looked in the wife mirror and haven't really liked what I was seeing. I was holding in a lot of anger, acting very critical, never satisfied, never happy and while some of it was justified, some of it was just plain mean and undeserving. I woke up one night and realized I was so angry at myself that I was turning it around and blaming him for my predictaments. Sure, he played a part, but my way of dealing with it was sure not helping either of us. So I decided to secretly take the 40 Day Love Dare. What was I thinking?

Day 1: Be patient, Don't say anything negative or argumentative to your husband. You can't advance off that day until you accomplish the goal. Imagine my chagrin when I woke and was made immediately aware of my mood and many things I wanted to say to many people. I hadn't even put my feet on the floor yet and I was already thinking about what I had to say. And not much of it was good. Then, I went downstairs. What is it with men? I did the laundry last night and have on so many occasions asked my husband not to put my pants in the dryer and leave them there. Why? Major wrinkles. So again, the second moment, where I wanted to say something, am not allowed to hold it in, and I am not allowed to say anything critical.

So I did the adult thing and decided perhaps it was best if I just didn't talk to him today. Because there was no way I could not bite my tongue, not say something, and if I had to say something negative I was to not say anything at all. I am sure that would not happen. I am the kind of woman that tries to be the bigger person, and then have spent so much time thinking about the perfect comment, response, or comeback that it has to come out. Lucky for me, my husband has a great sense of humor. He thinks everything I say is funny. Which by the way frustrates me even more!

So, about midday, I am feeling guilty, and I decided to call to say hello. Our normal habit. And guess what? I am not advancing off of Square One, Day One today. Patience and understanding with my husband needs major work. But I do love you Babe! Come back to hear more about the Love Dare. I won't be posting all 40 days, but I am sure there will be some interesting lessons along the way.

How are you doing on your three things? Let us konw.

My three things today:
1) Orgnazize my craft room
2) Call my brother and offer to help while wife is out of town
3) Try to get past Day 1 on the Love Dare

Journalling for a Healthy Life.

Well, I decided that this is the year for better health, and what better way to begin then to start exercising more and watching my weight. I had heard that it helps to journal what you eat but since I honestly believe that I eat like a Rabbit (very little)and I have my husband believing it too, I didn't think it would do much good. Well, let me tell you...I wrote down my caloric intake religiously the first day. Anything I popped into my mouth, I wrote down. At the end of the day I told my husband what I had eaten and asked if he thought it was much food. The truth was "IT WASN'T MUCH FOOD", but it was "ALOT OF CALORIES", 4200 calories to be exact. (You know, if you want to lose weight that number has to be below 3500). I was in shock, I still am. And I am journalling regularily now and becoming much more aware of what is going into my mouth, when it goes in, and why. A handful of peanuts here, 2 dove chocolates there, skipping dinner, popping a roll in my mouth. Doesn't sound like much does it? Well, the math speaks volumes. An ounce of cheddar cheese, can easily become 4 ounces in my day (I Love Cheese), a handful of peanuts can easily become two. I don't think I will journal for the rest of my life, but I will until I have a better understanding of the food that I am eating and its affect on my health.

I am not a meal planner, I skip meals often, I nibble alot, I don't exercise much even though when I do I feel wonderful! In this crazy little head of mine, I actually believed that for as little as I was eating, I should be bone thin! Right! Think again. It won't happen if you don't know the calories you are putting into your body. Its true, you can eat more and weigh less if you eat smart.

Three goals for this week:
1) Keep a food journal every day this week.
2) Continue to exercise one day a week.
3) If I clean up my crafting room, I am buying the cricut machine.

How is that for motivation?? :)

The Good Life Revolution

We are on our way. Don't look back. Take assessment. Where are you now? what's working, what's not. Its a Good Life Revolution and I would love to have you join me. Today, its the power of three. Pick three habits or changes you wish to make in your life. Don't pick three that are overwhelming or unattainable. Just three simple things that you can tackle or complete in one day or one week. That is it. Post your three, and at the end of the week, let's check our success. I find that as we move through life, we set ourselves up for disappointment. We set these grandiose dreams like "Losing weight"...How much? How fast? Is that a reasonable goal? Not really. A reasonable goal has to be specific, the more specific the better. It might be something so simple as taking a healthy meal to work every day next week. Or it might be starting to walk around the block each night. That is it. Small attainable goals. You may not believe this to be true, but I know it works. Because once you can feel good about that small goal, you can increase, add on another, make it a little more difficult. But its a positive step and that is all it is about.

A while ago, I found my self in a deep rut, I mean deep. The pit was so deep that one of my favorite writers: Beth Moore, who wrote "Get out of that Pit" said you become so comfortable in the pit that pretty soon you are putting up curtains, laying down a carpet, finding a big sofa chair to keep you in the pit. What a visual! And how true. I needed to get out of the pit, but the walls were too high. So my first goal? To get out of bed 15 minutes earilier than I had been. This sounded so small at the time, but that 15 minutes got me up and moving and I was no longer arriving late for work. Then I moved it to 30 minutes. This allowed me time to make lunch and add in about 10 minutes of prayer. When I realized how much I liked that silent morning time, I began making my lunch at night and that gave me 30 minutes with God. You get the idea. Small attainable goals. Pick three that you can celebrate at weeks end. You can share them here, or record them in a journal. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you begin the Good Life Revolution.

Here are my three for this week:
1) To record my calorie intake for the next 7 days to see where my weaknesses and where I can improve.
2) To go to the gym one time a week.
3) To get back to bible study on Wednesday nights, at least one night a month.

Get the picture? Now its your turn.

Becoming a Stronger Woman.

Let's just get started. Its a no excuses kind of day today. I have made them and my alter ego is saying enough is enough. Like the Nike commercial she screams "Just do it". Enough already. You think you are so smart she asks? Well you are!! She screams. So quit acting helpless, hopeless. So perhaps you don't always think with a healthy mind, change that. Look at others, see how they respond to challenges, problems, issues of the heart, of work. What do they accept and reject? How do they respond and react?

I've been watching lately and I have learned a few things. Healthy, strong women don't settle. They aren't afraid to get hurt, and they don't shy away from the thought of hurting others. They don't go out of their way to be hurtful, but they realize that sometimes people will get hurt based on the decisions they have to make, and that is okay. Its not always fun, its not a requirement, but if it happens it is okay.

I on the other hand go out of my way to make people feel good. I don't want others to hurt, or be sad, or suffer because of me. And that isn't always good. Its not good if you are little by little sacrificing yourself and your own needs. If you are saying "yes" when you really feel inside that you should be saying "no", that is a sacrifice of yourself. And it doesn't allow the other person to learn and grow on their end either.

I have spent a life time going above and beyond for others at work, in my relationships. And recently, I got laid off. I honestly believe I was the biggest contributor to the company, generated the most ideas and had the most financial successes. But because I was so generous and so easy, the lay off came easy. The others made it difficult for the boss. They weren't as overly approachable, they didn't over extend themselves. You would think it would have been the other way around. But in reality, they stayed focused. They focused on themselves and the job they were given.

Its a very fine line to walk. For me, in my faith walk with God, we are to be givers. But we are not be walked on. If we create the opportunities for others to walk all over us, who is at fault?

My goal this year is to be authentic. To me that means speaking from the heart with genuine joy and compassion, integrity and passion. It means saying the difficult things sometimes, and doing my utmost to tell the truth no matter the outcome. But to do so with love, kindness and respect. It means not sacrificing my values, and at the same time being very sure of what my values are. Something I will be changing and learning along the way.

There is no right or wrong way here, only a path of learning and understanding about myself.

I want this blog to be for all of us who struggle. Who know that there is a better way, a deeper purpose and want to take the journey no matter how frightening. Will you join me?

Call Her Bluff.

Call it my alter ego, call it my inner self, today is the day I am calling her bluff. She says I can be fabulous at 50. She says I can accomplish anything I set out to accomplish. She believes I am invincible, a can do person, with a great smile, a strong contender for the good life, able to leap tall buildings. A Superwoman like no other.

I on the other hand fight her tooth and nail each day. I eat more than I should, exercise less than I need to, spend money, make and break my own promises, and apply a defeatist attitude to many days, many moments.

Mostly I do this when it's about me. To all those on the outside looking in, I am my inner self. To me, the outer doesn't match the inner. It's a constant struggle to finding me. I accept rejection silently, demand nothing from others, expect less and less for myself.

Today I am calling my own bluff. Today begins anew. Small steps toward a closer alignment of her and me. She and I. We.