Book: The Love Dare.

Have you read it? Have you heard about it? Well there is a new book out called the "Love Dare" and it challenges the reader to love their spouse by following the tasks over the next 40 days and it will change your relationship. God will change your relationship. Why would I do this you might ask? Well, lately I have looked in the wife mirror and haven't really liked what I was seeing. I was holding in a lot of anger, acting very critical, never satisfied, never happy and while some of it was justified, some of it was just plain mean and undeserving. I woke up one night and realized I was so angry at myself that I was turning it around and blaming him for my predictaments. Sure, he played a part, but my way of dealing with it was sure not helping either of us. So I decided to secretly take the 40 Day Love Dare. What was I thinking?

Day 1: Be patient, Don't say anything negative or argumentative to your husband. You can't advance off that day until you accomplish the goal. Imagine my chagrin when I woke and was made immediately aware of my mood and many things I wanted to say to many people. I hadn't even put my feet on the floor yet and I was already thinking about what I had to say. And not much of it was good. Then, I went downstairs. What is it with men? I did the laundry last night and have on so many occasions asked my husband not to put my pants in the dryer and leave them there. Why? Major wrinkles. So again, the second moment, where I wanted to say something, am not allowed to hold it in, and I am not allowed to say anything critical.

So I did the adult thing and decided perhaps it was best if I just didn't talk to him today. Because there was no way I could not bite my tongue, not say something, and if I had to say something negative I was to not say anything at all. I am sure that would not happen. I am the kind of woman that tries to be the bigger person, and then have spent so much time thinking about the perfect comment, response, or comeback that it has to come out. Lucky for me, my husband has a great sense of humor. He thinks everything I say is funny. Which by the way frustrates me even more!

So, about midday, I am feeling guilty, and I decided to call to say hello. Our normal habit. And guess what? I am not advancing off of Square One, Day One today. Patience and understanding with my husband needs major work. But I do love you Babe! Come back to hear more about the Love Dare. I won't be posting all 40 days, but I am sure there will be some interesting lessons along the way.

How are you doing on your three things? Let us konw.

My three things today:
1) Orgnazize my craft room
2) Call my brother and offer to help while wife is out of town
3) Try to get past Day 1 on the Love Dare

Becoming a Stronger Woman.

Let's just get started. Its a no excuses kind of day today. I have made them and my alter ego is saying enough is enough. Like the Nike commercial she screams "Just do it". Enough already. You think you are so smart she asks? Well you are!! She screams. So quit acting helpless, hopeless. So perhaps you don't always think with a healthy mind, change that. Look at others, see how they respond to challenges, problems, issues of the heart, of work. What do they accept and reject? How do they respond and react?

I've been watching lately and I have learned a few things. Healthy, strong women don't settle. They aren't afraid to get hurt, and they don't shy away from the thought of hurting others. They don't go out of their way to be hurtful, but they realize that sometimes people will get hurt based on the decisions they have to make, and that is okay. Its not always fun, its not a requirement, but if it happens it is okay.

I on the other hand go out of my way to make people feel good. I don't want others to hurt, or be sad, or suffer because of me. And that isn't always good. Its not good if you are little by little sacrificing yourself and your own needs. If you are saying "yes" when you really feel inside that you should be saying "no", that is a sacrifice of yourself. And it doesn't allow the other person to learn and grow on their end either.

I have spent a life time going above and beyond for others at work, in my relationships. And recently, I got laid off. I honestly believe I was the biggest contributor to the company, generated the most ideas and had the most financial successes. But because I was so generous and so easy, the lay off came easy. The others made it difficult for the boss. They weren't as overly approachable, they didn't over extend themselves. You would think it would have been the other way around. But in reality, they stayed focused. They focused on themselves and the job they were given.

Its a very fine line to walk. For me, in my faith walk with God, we are to be givers. But we are not be walked on. If we create the opportunities for others to walk all over us, who is at fault?

My goal this year is to be authentic. To me that means speaking from the heart with genuine joy and compassion, integrity and passion. It means saying the difficult things sometimes, and doing my utmost to tell the truth no matter the outcome. But to do so with love, kindness and respect. It means not sacrificing my values, and at the same time being very sure of what my values are. Something I will be changing and learning along the way.

There is no right or wrong way here, only a path of learning and understanding about myself.

I want this blog to be for all of us who struggle. Who know that there is a better way, a deeper purpose and want to take the journey no matter how frightening. Will you join me?